Ministries

Counseling
Thoughts from a Traveling Therapist

To look up in the sky at planes flying, you might think that there are limitless possibilities for the routes they might take in order to reach their destinations. They certainly do not have ribbons of highways to follow like cars or buses. However, that does not mean that they can do anything they want. Although they are not seen, there are pathways for them to follow to reach their destination.

Not too many years ago the pilot of an airliner landed at an airport that was not his destination! In fact, the runway was too short for the airplane to leave again. It had to be disassembled and removed by trucks. The pilot failed to reach his destination because he failed to follow the rules.

Likewise, there are rules for being angry with the person with whom you are in relationship without hurting the relationship. Paul said, "Be angry, but do not sin," (Ephesians 4:26). Anger is a God given emotion, but, like other gifts from God, we must learn to use it in a manner that promotes wellness and wholeness rather than illness and brokenness.

The following are rules for getting angry without hurting your relationship:

• Talk about what you feel rather than what she or he did.
• Stick to one topic.
• Allow time for the other person to respond.
• Aim to be heard, not to win.
• Balance anger or criticism with lots of affection.

To get your relationships where you want them to be, you simply cannot do anything you want. You will be surprised where you land and what might have to happen to get you out again.

Alan Swindall is a Marriage & Family Therapist at RCC and can be reached by calling (205) 668-2344.

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